Archive for 26 diciembre 2012

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¡Feliz 2013!

26/12/2012

En fiestas siempre están los que cogen vacaciones para descansar y disfrutar de los amigos y de la familia, y los que aprovechan para hacer el trabajo que estos primeros rechazan. Yo este año voy a hacer un poco de todo. Trabajaré algún día, pero también descansaré.

No voy a contaros el balance de mi año, porque dudo que sea más interesante que el de Ruth Gámez y Fernando Cuñado o el de Isabel García Cutillas. Lo que voy a hacer es intentar descansar un poco, además de desearos unas felices fiestas y una entrada inmejorable del año nuevo. Y, como regalito, os dejo el mensaje que me mandaron con el plan que hicimos el 21 de diciembre unos cuantos amigos y también una sesión de cartas entre un pariente lejano y Papá Noel…

¡Y en fin de año me voy de viaje sorpresa, así que cerraré mi ordenador durante al menos 3 o 4 días!

Feliz 2013

¡Feliz 2013!

21 de diciembre de 2012 a las 06:00.

Chicos, os paso el horario de hoy para que estéis informados:
06:30 – Apertura del Fin.

07:00 – Lluvia de meteoritos.

08:30 – Llegada del primer tsunami.

10:00 – Bienvenida de los ovnis.

10:30 – Flashmob de ovnis al estilo de Gangnam.

11:36 – Comienzo de la Destrucción (subtitulada a varios idiomas).

12:00 – Eclipse y la alineación de todos los planetas del sistema solar.

12:00-14:00 – Comida

14:15 – Inversión de polos magnéticos de la Tierra.

15:00 – Supercalentamiento global.

16:30 – Inicio de la aniquilación de los terrícolas.

17:00 – Fusilamiento de Justin Bieber.

18:00 – Revelación de los alienígenas residentes en la tierra.

19:00 – Will Smith también muere intentando salvarnos.

20:00 – Reapertura del túnel entre el Taj Mahal y Machu Picchu.

21:00 – ¡PIZZA!

22:00 – Revelación del amigo secreto.

23:00 – Brindis.

23:30 – Fin del Mundo.

21 de diciembre de 2012 a las 06:45.

Chicos, se nos ha fastidiado el plan.

Fin del mundo

Fin del mundo

 

Correspondencia con Papá Noel.

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones
* *

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus
* *

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

* *

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your ass wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

Timmy

* *

Timmy,

That’s what I thought you little bastard.

Sant

¡FELIZ 2013!

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